There I was blowing kisses, eating watermelon, and wearing my New Years Eve hat. I was lucky to have two sisters, and a little brother who I loved carrying around the house. He was a chubby baby, who I nick-named chubby checker. The song by Chubby Checker, oftened played on the record player. My baby brother and I would dance around the room, singing that song, and I would lightly squeeze his fat chubby cheeks.
Often times my baby brother would wear these silly hats, and I would laugh whenever he tried to take them off. On a hot summer day, it was my job to make sure his head stayed covered, even in the shade. So I would place the hat back on his head, make some funny looking face, and try to keep him from taking off his hat, which would usually end up on the ground next to him.
I remember one particualr hat made him look like a little sailor. He would walk around the yard, his chubby belly hanging out of his shirt, searching for what I can only assume was a butterfly. They would often float around the yard, grabbing his attention.
When the house was quiet, it usually meant my little brother was taking a nap. So I quietly sat in the living room, glancing through my Moms collection of music albums. Her favorite song was Strangers In The Night, and it was usually played every Saturday morning. I, of course, was trying to watch American Bandstand, but my mothers music would always drowned out the voice of Dick Clark and I would eventually turn off the tv and join her in the kitchen. We would spend the afternoon folding laundry and feeding my little brother. I could tell my Mom was happy to have a chubby little baby. So happy, she nick-named him boats-and-a-boatally. I wondered if that's why he always wore a hat that made him look like a sailor.
In the back of the house, we had a big garage. My Father let us use it as a play house. When my Mom decided to get new kitchen curtains, we quickly grabbed the red and white checkered ones for our club house. I can still see them lightly floating in the wind on those warm breezy days.
Sometimes a bee would come buzzing in and we would all run outside until someone from the neighborhood came over to help us. Since we ate our watermelon in there, the bees never seemed to leave on there own. Everytime a bee got inside the garage, it had to be chased out.
During the Fall, we had to sweep the leaves that blew in. I wanted to keep them, but my mother said they would just get dirty so we swept them away. I would miss seeing all the colorful leaves float off the trees, however that was quickly forgotten once I saw the first wintery snowfall.
From the window, I could see the white dust of snow float off the rooftop. The heavy snowfall covered the tree branches making them look so alife again.. It was like a picture I had seen in a magaizine, only it was real and I was gazing at it. All I could see was this beautiful cloud of snow. I loved the first snowfall and during the Christmas Season, I would make about a hundred snowflakes.
All afternoon my sisters and I would sit at the kitchen table, making Christmas Ornaments. Snowflakes, Snowmen and Bells would get smothered in glitter and later hung on the tree. At night we would turn on the Christmas lights and watch them blink before we had to go to bed.
Then something happened that took all of this away. Many years of childhood abuse made me forget I once chased butterflies and piled up colorful leaves to jump in. I once sat in the yard listening to the Spring wind and made angels in the deep white snow. All the abuse made me forget I once laughed, I once smiled, I once had wishes and dreams. I once believed in something. All the abuse made me forget that for one brief moment I was happy. For one brief moment I was a child. For one brief moment, I was free.
