The pain of abuse sets in.

I found myself sitting quietly in the yard, listening to all the noise the wind was making. It was a cool Fall day, the sun hidden under the grey gloomy sky. I guess like most kids, I was bored and looking for something to do. It was to early to go inside, but to late to walk to the park, so I just stayed home, wondering what I should do with the rest of my day.
Because of the weather, more and more days were spent close to home. I could feel the cool air whisp through me my unzipped jacket, sending goose bumps up and down my arms, but I wasn't giving in. I was determined to stay outside, even if it meant being cold.
I could hear my mother in the kitchen. The opened window allowed me the oppurtunity to listen to everything that was going on. It sounded like she was washing dishes and singing a little song to my brother, who was banging on his highchair, while eating macaroni and cheese. I considered joining them, but decided to remain outside, alone.
I eventually heard familiar voices. My two friends, Judy and Ann, were playing three houses down, in Judy's yard. I hid behind the tree, hoping they wouldn't see me. I was having one of those afternoons when you just wanted to be by yourself. I watched the two of them for a few minutes, then heard Judy's mom call her inside. Looking up at the sky, I could tell it was getting close to 7 p.m. It was starting to get dark.
I heard my mother call out my name and yelled back to her that I was coming inside in 5 minutes. I knew I didn't have the slightest clue when 5 minutes would be, but it satisfied my mother long enough for me to remain sitting there, watching the sky get dark and feeling the breeze get cooler. When the last bit of light faded, I went inside, meeting my mother at the door. Feeling my hands, she knew I had stayed out to long, but said nothing as I hurried upstairs, eager to look out my bedroom window.

I watched the cars pass by our busy street, wondering where everyone was going. I couldn't imagine anyone having something to do on such a dreary night, but there they were. Headlights passing by, leaving clouds of light on my bedroom wall. I sat in the dark a long time, then I finally gave in and went to sleep. Wondering as I drifted off. Where was everyone going?
Back then, I thought a lot about other people. Wondering about them, wishing I knew what they were thinking and doing. Curious as to what it all meant? Was I was sad? Was I lonely? Was I scared? I came to understand it meant all those things. I was sad, I was lonely, and I was scared. I had never been one of those kids who wanted the answer before the question was ever asked but now I demanded to walk two steps faster then everyone else, but in reality it appeared I was two steps behind, waiting to see where everyone else was going. Wondering if I could even keep up with them. And on those dreary days, when most kids stayed inside, I felt the most comfortable outside. I never wanted a dreary day to end. The sun was to cheerful and I didn't want to see it. The only thing I like was the radio, listening to one of my favorite songs. Music was certainly my friend, and like all allies, it kept me safe, at least for a while.